One day there were people that wanted to go on a plane to go to America. Their plane was
gonna leave at 3pm but they got there one hour early. While they were waiting they went to buy
some food then they finally went on the plane to America.
gonna leave at 3pm but they got there one hour early. While they were waiting they went to buy
some food then they finally went on the plane to America.
Once they got on the plane they were just talking to each other then a little while after the engine
started to slow down and the engine started to go on fire, while the engine was on fire the people had
a little time to think about what they were going to do. The first thing they thought of was to use the
parachute and quickly jumped out of the plane before it crashed…
started to slow down and the engine started to go on fire, while the engine was on fire the people had
a little time to think about what they were going to do. The first thing they thought of was to use the
parachute and quickly jumped out of the plane before it crashed…
TO BE CONTINUED
this story has a good dialogue. maybe next time you can use more detail.
ReplyDeleteYou do not have more details.
ReplyDeleteBut you are doing good...
Great problem and solution Hope! They make sense for this story and is realistic. Next time, try to build a little more suspense when the 'problem' happens. For example.. instead of saying "each other then a little while after the engine started to slow down and the engine started to go on fire". That one sentence could be a whole paragraph on its own. Instead of saying 'the engien started to go on fire' you could say..
ReplyDelete"BOOM!" "Ahhh!" "What is that?" "We're gonna die!" everybody screamed as they realised the large bang came from the engine. Bob looked out the circular window and saw orange flames roaring upwards from between the seems of steel". The smell of burning metal filled the air.
Anyway, you get the point.. Also, I don't know any of your characters names so I made up Bob..
Can't wait to read the rest of the story when you finish it.
great fall stops
ReplyDeletegreat problems and solutions I can't wait for the next part
ReplyDeleteAwesome Job Hope I admire the way you have put your punctuation in the right place and also I adore that you added a lot of deatails can't wait to read the rest of your story Keep it up!
ReplyDeleteAwesome Job Hope, your problems and solutions were fantastic and i really like the way you have put your punctuation in te right spot.
ReplyDeletekeep up the good work
Hi Hope, I really admire how your story has so much good puntican and it very good problem and solution. Maybe Next Time you should reread your story because it doesn't make sense. Anyways fantastic writing can't wait for the next story !
ReplyDeleteNice Regards
- Lily.U